Once a man sought advice of Al Hasan Al Basri on the kind of man he recommended for marriage. His response was, ” The man of Deen.” I know it sounds so vague, but wait he elaborated and added , ” For when he is in love with her he will be generous to her , and if he happens to dislike her he will not treat her unfairly (unjustly) .” I stopped at this description and realized that Allah treats us that way. If Allah loves us He ( Subhanahu Wa Ta’la ) rewards us multi-fold for our own good deeds, and if He is displeased with us He is never unfair or unjust to us . Indeed He is worthy of our belief and worship . La Illah Ila Allah.
Let’s go back to Al Basri’s comment, “… And if he happens to dislike her he will not treat her unfairly ( unjustly).” So, this kind of man would be fair and just towards her at times of conflict. Conflicts bring out the worst in people. Maybe I can go as far as to say that they expose a person’s true moral fiber or the absence thereof. Their moral mettle is either amplified or diminished. All masks fall off, and it is either pretty or ugly .
In application , if you are a person of authority learn from ‘Umar Ibn Al Khattab . When ‘Umar was Khalifah and charged with the matters of the Muslims, he one day saw his brother Zayd Ibn Al Khattab’s killer. ‘Umar being ‘Umar was honest with the man and said to him, ” I must be honest with you , but I cannot find it in myself to like you.” The man responded , ” Will that prevent you from treating me fairly and justly?” ‘Umar said, ” No.” The man uttered a sigh of relief. ‘Umar’s aversion to the man did not prevent him from doing that which was fair and just towards him, and such should a person of authority always be.
Remember the Prophet ( Salah Allah Alayhe Wa Salam) when he held captive some Makkan pagans after the Battle of Badr. Among them was a general by the name of ‘Aziz , the brother of one of the companions Mus’ab Ibn Umayr . ‘Aziz narrates that in his captivity he was among a group of Al Ansar, and when it was lunchtime they would feed him bread and eat dates. Humbled by their kindness, ‘Aziz would return the bread but they wouldn’t touch it . This was because the Prophet asked them to feed the captives the best among their food , so they did — bread was a luxury in Madinah, dates were not . What is this saying ? It is saying that even if we disagree with you , even if we were opponents at war, it does not mean that we will treat you unjustly and unfairly. Conflicts with others should bring out the best in us .
So for today’s reflection, let this rule govern our relationships : keep good fellowship or separate with kindness . Let not disagreement and conflict expose the worst in us, instead let it bring out the best in us . A believer never betrays . A believer is never mean, vile, lowly, base, and ignoble, qualities that cut off any hope for a relationship to continue . How can friends who have shared well kept secrets continue, when at the time of disagreement each exposes the secrets of the other ? How can arguing spouses air each other’s dirty laundry and mar each other’s image in public and continue their marriage? This method of argument has cut a vein, let it bleed and eventually killed this marriage. Chew on that for a minute .
The Prophet ( Salah Alah Alayhe Wa Salam ) compared the believer to a palm tree. A palm tree is abundant in its goodness. It gives shade ( Al Satr) year long. It’s fruit can be eaten from the minute it emerges until it is dries–it supports and nourishes. Likewise from its trunk, branches and leaves there are so many benefits . Such should a believer be at all times even at times of conflict–obedient to Allah and noble in manners. And in another comparison the Prophet ( Salah Allah Alayhe Wa Salam ) said, ” The example of the believer who recites the Qur’an and acts on it, is like an orange which tastes nice and smells nice.” May our insides be as our outsides , at all times, pure and true. Ameen.